Have you ever lost someone you care about?

I do...

I lost my so-called best friend a couple months ago. She has taken her own life...

Where am I that time?

I was in deep sleep at home and somewhere at 4:30am I received a phone call from her boyfriend that she has passed on.

I rush to her apartment to see her, I was welcomed by a death note she left on her laptop sits nicely on her favourite couch. On that note, she mentioned her boyfriend who getting busier and busier each day - most of the time their both doing was being apart and ALONE instead of having a good time together… She also told him that she has failed to be a good and understanding girlfriend and wishing him the best for everything in future. In her long written mentioned few names that were close to her.

My name was mentioned too but let it be my personal keeping.

I feel freaking d*mn guilty at first but then I know I have done so much as her friend too... The thing that makes me feel so sad as I didn’t have the chance to apologize or even sense if I hurt her or such... I saw her boyfriend, Jay cried so hard by the door that I can’t even dare to go and comfort him. I only sit limply outside... I want to hug her but I know that is too late for everything… at the same time, i was angry too for the stupid choice that she took. it's so blindedly (?!), so narrow!! so stupid!! .. but now, she's gone.. just like that...

I can't accept the fact she's gone, for good. There are a lot of people who needs her - me, her loving boyfriend, our friends, her families...

I then learn from Kevin ( it was five of us, usually lepak together), that the late friend of ours was planning to make everybody remember her. God, she really did make us! It takes me - 2 weeks 'till i really break down! it's so hurting!! i can feel my heart and the feeling uncontrollable.. the tears keep on falling... I've cried in my room for hours...

Today, I was hanging out with my other close friends (it’s five of us including her, before), we were celebrating Sheryl's getting engaged soon with her new American boyfriend and Amy suddenly pick up the phone and then… pause and look our faces? God, that's hurt!!

We all do miss her so much and we all do feel loss...

Dean (1979 - 2005),
We all will miss you.

You will be remembered forever….

Although you were gone the friendship that bond between us will never die…
Goodnight, girlfriend…

NTGravity: One Minute Silence to everybody who lost Family members, friends especially the victims of tsunami disaster….. - Al Fatihah~