If I Die Tonight [ Part 2 ]

Tuesday, February 08, 2005


Have you ever lost someone you care?
 
I do...

I lost my best friend couple months ago. She has taken her own life...

Where am I that time?

I was in deep sleep at home and somewhere in 4:30am I received a phone call from her boyfriend that she has passed away. 


I rush to her apartment to see her, I was welcomed by a death note she left on her laptop sits nicely on her favorite couch. On that note, she mentioned about her boyfriend who getting busier and busier each day - most of the time their both doing was ALONE instead of having good time together… She also told him that she has failed to be a good and understanding girlfriend and wishing him a best for everything in future. In her long written mentioned few names that close to her.

My name was mentioned too, this is what she has written;

"… You have being so kind to me, sharing ups and down, always there for me - to cheer me up, to share the saddest moment or the glorious time together. No matter what happen you always standing by... I love you ….. Even you are cold and to the point kind of girl but yet you still can share laughter and no problem to scold me if I across the line. Lately you've ignored me, no more shopping spree, no more cruising around the town and club to club, no more late night chat in the phone, no more showing off your mini car, no more funny yoga we always jokes, no more mocha blended with extra whipped cream… You been busy with your job too much and your latest boo, you ignored me completely. But I forgive you as i love you, Aliey …., and I hope you won’t cry for me, just smile… Tell Jay i've choose my own way ..."

I feel freaking d*mn guilty at first but then I know I have done so much as her best friend too... The things that make me feel so sad was I didn’t have the chance to apologize or even sense if I hurt her or such... I saw her boyfriend, Jay cried so hard by the door that I can’t even dare to go and comfort him. I only sit limply next to her couch... I want to hug her for forgiveness but I know that is too late for everything… in the same time, i was angry too for the stupid choice that she took.. it's so blindedly (?!), so narrow!! so stupid!! .. but now, she's gone.. just like that....

I can't accept the fact she's gone, for good. There's a lot people needs her - me, her loving boyfriend, our friends, her families...

I then learn from Kevin (another one of five of us), that the late friend of us was planning to take her life just to make everybody remember her.. God, she really did make us! It takes me - 2 weeks 'till i really break down! it's so hurting!! i can feel my heart and the feeling uncontrollable.. the tears keep on falling...



Today, I was hanging out with other 3 bffs (it’s five of us including her, before), we were celebrating Sheryl's getting engaged soon with her new American boyfriend and Amy suddenly pick up the phone and then… pause and look our faces? God, that's hurt!!

We all do miss her so much and we all do feel loss...


Dean (1979 - 2005),

We all will miss you. You will be remembered forever…. Although you were gone but the friendship that bond between us will never die…
Goodnight, girlfriend…

NtGravity : One Minute Silence to everybody who lost Family members, friends especially the victims of tsunami disaster….. - Al Fatihah~


And if you have a suicidal thought of anything, please do seeks for help... please do talk to someone... There's no problem that can not be solved or at least to straighten things up. Please talk.

HaiiT~

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